His Forever
by ArielleMoonlight
Summary: The final segment of what I like to call the dark Logan series; where Wolfie is as growly as ever, Marie is struggling with growing up a bit too fast and there is a major angst-fest going on. Rated M
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 - Suffocation

"It looks like your baby is doing just fine." Doctor Price smiled kindly down at Marie whilst removing the blue nitrile gloves she'd been wearing. She had been Marie's top choice as a midwife and it just so happened she specialized in mutant births.

"It's a shame daddy wasn't here to see." Her twelve-week scan and Logan had managed to miss every part of the pregnancy so far. Not so much miss as refuse to attend. Even so, she couldn't imagine him sitting in the chair beside the bed holding her hand, watching the screen for the tiny movements of their developing child. She couldn't even imagine him standing awkwardly in the corner or in the waiting room, staring at the floor and counting the seconds until it was over.

"Work's been hard on him. He'll be here next time." Marie lied easily and Doctor Price gave her a sad smile like she'd heard that one before. Truth was they were going through a rough patch, if their whole relationship wasn't a rough patch.

Months of snapping at each other for the most stupid of reasons. He'd left cigars in his jeans and she'd washed them without checking the pockets even though he'd put tossed them in the basket in like that. She'd dropped toast crumbs in the bed even after he'd asked her not to eat there. They both had little quirks that had become an annoyance to the other when at first they were endearing.

Marie missed how things used to be. That lazy, heart-stopping smile she loved so much, trying to remember when it first started to slip away to be replaced by the constant scowl that was usually reserved for everyone else but her.

She missed the feeling of being held while she slept, knowing everything was going to be alright because nothing could penetrate the warmth and stability of his arms. She missed not feeling on edge all the time. It was like she was sharing a room with a ticking time bomb; she could feel the tension boiling up inside them, wondering how it would explode this time around.

Countless nights spent awake, so many in a row everything was blurring into one. Rough, hurried sex that left him even more frustrated than before. Days of not exchanging more than a few words and just before she thought she would break down in a fragile mess, he'd scoop her into his arms and kiss her how he used to. And things would be fine again, for a few days until the next thing pissed him off.

He'd distanced himself from her so much she felt alone in their relationship.

"So I'll see you in a few weeks Marie, okay?" Marie gave the woman a watery smile and got up to leave. Doctor Price reached out and rested a hand on her arm.

"Don't forget, stress is bad for the baby, especially at this vital stage. Try taking some time for yourself every now and then. Do something you enjoy like reading a book or taking a walk."

"Sure, thank you Doctor Price."

…

Logan was waiting for her in the parking lot of the doctor's office. The last few weeks where Marie had just stared to show had put a lot of things into perspective for him. He was going to be something he had always feared and kinda admired at the same time, but one question kept repeating itself in his head. How could he bring up a kid when he barely knew how to keep himself in check? He couldn't even look after his girl without screwing up.

The thought of hurting her made him sick to his stomach, although he knew he'd done so previously but even the idea of physically harming her made his blood run cold. He couldn't allow the wolverine to take over anymore; he needed to have it under control. The regret and guilt he felt over the way he had treated her consumed him.

Logan was trying to calm himself with periods of quiet reflection, wondering what he could do to make it up to her. He knew Marie had enough to deal with; hormones, expanding stomach, exam stress all getting to her. Morning sickness making her life hell. The pressure on both of them keeping this secret was becoming too great, growing slowly like her belly.

A movement ahead caught Logan's attention, bringing him out of his stupor. Marie was walking quickly towards the passenger side, her strides forceful and determined. Despite her tightened jaw and clenched hands, Logan noticed how pale and drawn she looked.

They travelled down the road in silence for a few minutes before Logan spoke up.

"You wanna go get something to eat baby?" Marie just shrugged, looking mournfully out the window. Logan continued with a different tact.

"Look you understand why I can't come in with you right?"

"I just thought your desire to see your unborn child would be greater than your need to keep your reputation in tact, that's all."

"Don't start with me Marie; you know what would happen if I turned up claiming I was the father. They'd take one look and me and call the fuzz."

"What are you going to do once he or she is born? I can't look after a baby all by myself." Logan sighed and signalled to pull the truck over. He took her small hands in his own larger, warmer ones.

"You know that's not what's going to happen. I would never leave you in that situation. I just wish I'd never.." he shook his head.

"Never what Logan?" She was staring at him with pleading eyes, silently begging him to finish the sentence. "Never slept with me? Never met me?"

"Never got you pregnant was what I was going to say."

"Well, look whose fault that was." She snatched her hands away.

"I know okay, I'm sorry." He restarted the truck and they continued home in silence.

What Marie didn't understand was how much Logan cared. He'd fought for her in his own way. He had been preparing for the baby, secretly buying things for when it was born. He'd got clothes, dippers even a crib all stashed away in a storage unit just out of the city, just far away to not arouse any suspicion from nosey house mates.

As soon as she graduated, they were outta there. He'd take her to Alberta, right near the Canadian Rockies where she and the baby would be safe. He was pretty certain she would like it too. The air was clear up there, still and tranquil, no one would bother them and they could live together without fear of judgment. They could be a real family. It would be perfect.

…

Back at school, Marie occupied her afternoon with baby names instead of algebra homework. She's always liked James. It was a classic, strong name although she was sure Logan would object to him being called anything Scott would approve of. She wondered why Logan never talked about the baby, never brought it up and today she'd found out why. He wished their baby had never been conceived. How could she believe his promise of support when she knew how he really felt. And all this was his fault!

He was never around much anymore like he used to be. It seemed he was always out now, 'blowing off steam' he called it. Out till god knows when, cage fighting, drinking. Flirting with bar skanks? She felt deep down that he wouldn't go as far as to cheat on her but just knowing he was in their company was enough to make her sleep restless. She couldn't shake the image of tall redheads wrapping themselves around him, their breath sweet with Tennessee whiskey and lime juice, Logan bringing his mouth up to taste.

Each night she went to bed alone and woke up to cold sheets on the other side. The bedclothes were wrinkled, like he'd tossed and turned guiltily before getting up for a run/ gym session/ cold shower.

"Girrrll, where you been? I feel like I never see you anymore." Jubilee slammed her lunch tray down in the space across from Marie, making her bowl of uneaten jello quiver in fright.

Marie managed a weak smile for her old best friend which Jubilee saw right through, "Hey, what's wrong?"

Marie let out a shaky sigh. It had been a few months since she found out that she was expecting Logan's child, since he'd promised to be there for her but so far she had been in this alone. At twelve weeks her stomach had grown noticeably only a small amount, if she wore a loose enough top or jumper she could conceal the little bump but that wasn't going to be an option much longer. The last few days she swore she could feel a little fluttering sensation in her belly like bubbles or perhaps butterflies.

Marie blinked back tears of frustration, "I can't do this anymore."

…

Help a girl out, donate a review and feel satisfied in the knowledge you have helped a notification-starved writer ward of the deadly writers-block disease.

I also want to do my usual apologizing for terrible spelling and grammar in my previous stories. I went back to see where I'd left off and spotted a whole ton of mistakes which makes me want to re-upload/ die. I have a beta now. *gives hopeful thumbs up*


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – Unintelligible little words

"I'm sorry Rogue, I simply cannot allow it." The Professor stated. Marie was slumped in an armchair in the plushly decorated headmaster's office. There were rugs and soft furnishings as far as the eye could see. Even the walls were completely lined with thick wood, muffling any real-world noises. She felt ten feet underwater hopelessly drowning in numbness, wishing she were deaf.

"I allow him into my school, my home. He takes advantage of my hospitably and then one of my students." Marie had barely been able to tell the professor she was pregnant and as soon as she did, the whole staff seemed to be present. Damn Jubes and her big, loud projecting thoughts.

"It's not like that, it's never been like that." She sobbed, Jubilee rubbed her back in slow circles. Jean sat the other side of Marie, crouching on the rug and holding her quivering hand.

"There is a special place in hell for people like him and name for what he has been doing to you. He knows young women like you are easy to control, easy to manipulate. He raped you."

Marie viciously shook her head, "No! We're in love, we love each other."

"If he loves you so much then where is he now?" Scott sniped. "If he loves you so much then why didn't he learn to put on a condom to save you going through all this?"

Hank cleared his throat uncomfortably. The professor closed his eyes and rubbed his temples like he had a headache, letting Scott continue his rant.

"He doesn't age Rogue, what's knocking you up going to change. As soon as he gets bored, he's going to leave you in this mess and you'll have to sort it out yourself. No education, no job and a little mouth to feed? Maybe 10 years he'll stick around for, then you'll be too old for him and he'll be sniffing around the bars for someone else. Young, fresh meat."

"Scott!" Jean exclaimed. He made a frustrated sound and turned away.

Marie could barely control her sobs, her breath coming out in sharp pants. "Please, you don't understand."

"Rogue, Sweetie, listen to me." Jean soothing voice took over and the redhead kneeled down to be at eye level with her.

"I know what Logan is like, he can be very.. persuasive when he wants to be. He'd do or say almost anything to get what he wants, trust me." she shot a glance over at her husband who was persistently staring out the window.

"He doesn't love you. He's just taking advantage of a young girl with a crush because it's easy. You're always here and willing to please, he doesn't have to take you out and buy you a drink first because he knows you'll do anything for him."

"That's not true." Marie wined into her free hand. She couldn't even look at the woman, trying not to think of how she knew all that.

"Think rationally Rogue, you know what he is like. We all know what he is like. He can't stick around for a month let alone to help you raise this baby. Of course we'll be here for you but it will be so much easier for you when he is out if the picture. You need someone less.."

"Immature? Unstable?"

"Scott!" The Professor interjected.

Marie pictured Scott rolling his eyes behind the quartz lenses, "Believe me there are a lot more adjectives where they came from."

"He's not right for you sweetie." Jean wiped a tear from Marie's cheek with her thumb. She always thought the redhead had a crush on Logan, enjoying the attention he used to lavish on her. Marie had seen images of her in Logan's memories. Jean coyly looking up at him through her lashes, teasing him with her long legs and flirtatious smile.

Marie knew what Jean was saying, that she didn't have enough experience to deal with Logan. That she was not mature enough to be in a relationship with someone older than her. That she was still a child.

The professor spoke up, "Logan can stay until Rogue has the baby, then he has to leave."

…

Marie worried about Logan for the rest of the day, thinking over and over the conversation she'd been an inconsequential part of in the Professors office. She lay in his bed crying and alone until it was almost midnight. She finally gave in and text him, asking when he'd be home. He didn't reply but was making his way quietly through the door twenty minutes later.

"Baby, what's wrong." He wrapped her in his arms as she trembled. He smelt so familiar, smoke and leather and Logan. Her fingers traced a path over his rough jaw, over his ear and up to where his hair was softer at the back of his head. She kissed his furrowed brow, tasted salt, thought of all those little things she was going to miss when he decided he didn't want her anymore.

"Nothing, I just missed you."

He smelt the tears and her anguish through the lie, "Bullshit, tell me what's the matter baby."

"Do you ever think about our future?"

"All the time," he brushed a strand of hair away from her face, looked at her with troubled eyes.

"And what do you see?"

Logan paused a few moments, trying to figure her out. Her lip wobbled when a minute passed and there was still no answer. "You're still pissed at me," he sighed.

She shook her head, looked away. That was it? That was all she got? The fears she's been having all day were being re-founded in his lack of an answer. Can't he see she needed this? How much she needed him to be enough.

The tears that had been threatening the whole time now burst out uncontrollably, falling quickly onto his bare skin.

"Baby, shhh. It's okay." But it wasn't okay, because she finally understood what she had to do to get through this.

"Marie, baby? Fuck, you know I don't mean to.. you know I'm shit with words." He could do nothing but stare in wide-eyed confusion and hold her close, waiting for her tears to subside enough so she could form a sentence.

"They know. I couldn't help it, the pressure was too much.." She sniffed, wiped her nose with the back of her hand.

Logan should have been there, been there with her to hold her hand while she told the headmaster and teachers she was underage and pregnant with child. He should have been there when she walked into the doctor's office, seventeen and alone. How could he be so selfish? _But you didn't even tell him. He's not a mind reader._

He pulled back, tilting his head as he analyzed her. And she knew if he stared at her in that way too long he'd either figure her out or she'd break and tell him everything. All the terrible, blasphemous things Scott and Jean had said, the way the professor had made her feel, unworthy and childish. The way her friend had looked at her, horrified when she told her. And the new secret she was hiding from them all.

So she leaned up and kissed him hungrily on the lips.

Logan lay down pulling her on top of him, groaning at the feeling of the inside of her mouth. It had been a while since they had been together like this. More recently sex was frenzied, squeezed in before her lessons or before he left in the morning. The quick trysts did nothing to quell his needs and he left feeling more unsatisfied and more defeated than ever. This was what he'd been missing, love.

She sat up enough to pull her t-shirt off over her head, revealing her very naked skin underneath. Logan stared up in awe for a quick second, taking in the sight of her glorious breasts that had swelled with pregnancy and the small bump that started at her lower belly. He grinned a wolfish kind of grin, careful to keep control of himself before leaning up and capturing one of her tender pink nipples in his mouth. She let out a low moan, igniting that lost spark within him. He needed to keep that beast locked away for good now; he could never be allowed to darken his mind again.

Logan maneuvered underneath her, lining up their cores, creating a delicious friction that almost had him come on the spot. But he wanted this to be about her, Marie's needs and desires before his own. He barely remembered to pull down his pants before pushing up into her, burying his face into the soft skin of her neck.

She cried out softly on entry, jolting at the feeling of being filled so quickly. Would she ever get used to the feeling of being filled so completely? Would she ever forget it?

Marie kissed his forehead, his hand, his cheeks, feeling her heart beat loud in her ears keeping a steady rhythm. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Logan covered her with his arms and steadily rolled Marie onto her back, studying her with a confused expression as he fucked her gently; wondering what was going on in that head, why she would smell like that? Of despair and loss and hopelessness.

Wished he could try harder to understand her, wished he wasn't so much of a fucking animal that couldn't focus on more than one emotion at a time. He couldn't help that instinctual need to mark her, fill her up no matter what the consequences. It was selfish. It was disgraceful. It was ingrained in him.

He wanted to see her eyes, hidden from view by her scrunched lids. He needed to see that she didn't hate him. That she hadn't worked out he was a no-good son-of-a-bitch who only deserved to be kicked to the gutter. He needed to know.

His pace increased until they were both quivering on the edge of release. A savage growl sounded from somewhere in his chest and she felt a sharp pain as his teeth sunk into her neck. The pain must have triggered her mutation because all of a sudden she could head the cacophony of his mind, Logan brutally beating back the animal trying so hard to break loose.

All the pain and confusion he had been feeling. The constant lingering thought of never being good enough. They weren't words but blurred colors and noise. Rage and remorse, guilt and gratification, shame and obsession. And one constant theme, her name. Images of her face swam into view, lit in a pure white light. And then a word, repeated like a prayer over and over; _Mine mine mine mine._

…

Marie lay boneless and quivering on top of the quilt, even though the evening air washing over her from the open window was warm. Her heart had settled back into its normal rhythm but she could have sworn it had been ripped out: all she could feel was the empty ache where her heartbeat should have been.

"Sorry, I need to go. I'm real tired."

Logan stared at her questioningly, frowning. "Okay baby," he replied, kissed her head ever so softly and her heart leapt in her chest, proving it was still there after all. "I love you," he whispered against her, giving her a small vein of hope amongst the blackness that maybe everything would turn out okay.

"I love you too."

Marie tip-toed down the corridor without being seen. Her old room felt like a vast empty wasteland, she didn't spend much time here anymore. Objects that once were so simple and familiar felt like the belong to someone else; a small pink teddy bear that Bobby had won for her at the fair, a bottle of drug store perfume she'd brought on a trip to the mall with Jubilee and Kitty. Photos of a smiling girl with brown hair and dark eyes, laughing with her friends.

She almost didn't recognize herself amongst the faces she'd been seeing less and less of. Logan was like an all-consuming supergiant, using up all her time and energy. Through it all, she loved him, she loved him more than life itself. He was embedded in her so deep that the pain of him leaving her would be too great to bear.

She slid to the floor, unable to cry. The loss was so great she felt empty already.

…


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry it took so long folks!

**Chapter 3 - Haemorrhage**

...

Marie left that night, through the window so nobody would know she'd left. Took a taxi and was there at the crack of dawn. She waited in the cold, breath pluming out in front of her until the first person showed up and let her in to wait. Had to sign a lot of forms, left for twenty minutes to forge Logan's signature then returned with her game face on.

"Hon, you need somebody to come and pick you up okay? Have you got that arranged?" She nodded.

An hour later, Jean screeched the BMW to a halt in the drop off zone and ran out of the car leaving the door open behind her. She dropped to her knees in front of Marie, pulling her close. She smelt like talcum powder and rose, the familiar scent offered a little comfort to Marie.

"Rogue, are you okay?" Marie gave a mechanical nod. "Oh sweetie, why didn't you talk to me? Any of us? We didn't mean.. I didn't want you to have to go through this alone." The redhead helped her to the passenger seat before carefully pulling off.

The drive back to the school felt like it had been stretched out. The green spot in the distance, where the constant smudge of concrete broke, kept moving further and further way. Jean kept shooting her sympathetic glances and rubbing her hand or thigh but they otherwise sat in silence. There was nothing more to say. Marie just wanted to be in bed. Alone. Maybe if she slept hard enough she could forget all about this mess, stay in dreamland forever.

Jean tucked her in bed, in the hollow space she used to call her room and kissed her head like her mother used to do. Marie ran her hand over the purple bed sheet remembering how much she loved this set because the worn cotton felt so familiar and comforting. It was the first thing she remembered about the mansion. Kitty had picked it out.

"I'm so sorry Rogue."

"It was my decision. Just promise me you won't tell him."

Jean looked at her with a soft maternal gaze, stroking Marie's hair back, "I promise."

"I'll make you a hot water bottle." Jean left the room closing the door quietly behind her. It must have been mid morning as the hallway was silent. Everyone was busy in lessons, or doing homework, or teaching.

Jean wasn't really all that bad; Marie could see why Logan liked her. You always felt safe and taken care of in her presence and it wasn't just because she was a doctor.

Lying on her bed, feeling lost in the foreign environment. Walls covered in posters of boy bands and super models from what seem like a lifetime ago. Photos of Jubilee, Kitty, Peter, John and Bobby in a large sparkly macaroni frame and little piles of shells from the beach. The wardrobe and draws mostly emptied of their contents and dust bunnies in their place.

Marie heard people shuffling past her door, excited shouts in the corridors below and teachers yelling for students not to run. Jean brought her some soup and tea but it sat untouched on the bedside table.

She laid there until the room was dark and the mansion was still again.

Marie was just drifting into a light sleep when her door flew open, the unwelcome light from the hallway burning into her eyes. The shadow of a man was silhouetted in the doorway, too tall and broad to be anyone but Logan. He flipped the light on before kicking the door shut.

"Jesus Christ Marie!" He breathed. "Do you know how many fuckin' times I'd tried your cell? Do you know how fuckin' long I've been out looking for you?" he saw her collapsed on the bed, red eyed and blank faced, and stopped dead in his tracks.

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" He studied her with that pained, confused look that he'd been wearing too often of late, then took a hesitant step towards her, his face falling from its angry set.

"Where have you been?"

He asked like he didn't want the answer. Marie shook her head slightly, watched the way he flinched back. She couldn't find the words to tell him.

Logan came closer to her, sniffing the air but unable to smell past her sorrow. Marie shrunk back into the pillows. "What happened?" he breathed, not daring to get any closer in case he lashed out. She whimpered, screwing her eyes up tight to stop the tears from coming and betraying her. Shut him out.

"Marie," he wanted to shake her. Make her tell him what the fuck was wrong. "Fuckin' look at me, what is it? What did you do?" That was it; what she'd done. It was all falling into place, accusation pierced his voice and then a broken sob sounded in his throat. "What did you do?"

"I.. the baby.." he fell to his knees like the wind had been knocked out of him, buried his head in the blankets. Marie tried to pry his arm away but it wouldn't budge, she needed to see his face.

"Please try to understand.. I had to.. I couldn't.." she couldn't find the right words to justify any of her actions. She had been afraid of this part the most; how he'd deal with it. She could take anything but him leaving her. He could yell and scream at her, he could break things, he could do anything but if he left, she didn't know how to continue.

Suddenly, he pushed away from the bed, turning his back on her. He roared, punched holes in the walls. Knuckles bleeding and re-healing just as quick, battering himself against the wall until he almost collapsed.

He turned back to her, breathing hard, his lips twisted in a viscous snarl and started towards her. Marie yelped in shock when he grabbed a hold of a leg and yanked her body towards him. She cried out, hands instinctively curling around her belly to protect what until this morning had been growing there.

He stared into her, his eyes filled with a hate so deep and monstrous that she wondered why he'd not killed her yet. Then just as quickly, he released her, stumbling almost blindly from the room. The next thing she heard was his motorcycle starting up.

Marie wasn't surprised.

It still hurt though.

For days.

Days that stretched on in denial and self-induced withdrawal.

Days of her friends begging her to eat at least something and teachers trying to get her to open the door.

Her worst nightmare was becoming real and she was starting to not see the point. Endless days without him.

The only reminder of what happened were the claw marks and rust coloured stains streaking the wallpaper.

…

Logan spent a week alternating between trying to figure out where they went wrong and drinking himself senseless. The bars stopped serving him, even the old regulars and dives who let in just about anyone.

"We don't serve your kind here," They told him as he stumbled from the doorways they threw him out of. The only way he could temporarily forget his problems and they denied him. There were other, less effective ways. Ways in which to indulge his inner animal and sate his primal needs. Hunt, fight, fuck.

But the only thing he wanted to do tonight was suppress the need to think. So he slumped against a wall somewhere and drank hard liquor from a brown paper bag.

"You looking for some company, sugar?" a female voice asked. An unfamiliar face swirled into view above him. His hands were shaking from the amount of liquor pulsing through him. Enough to sedate the whole state of New York but not enough to heal the jagged, raw pain he felt in his chest.

How did he not realise she was slowly slipping away from under him until it was too late. He truly thought he could make her love him and only now realised that nobody could. Not Marie, not Jean, not any woman before them.

He was too wild. Too bad tempered and bitter for a sweet innocent girl like Marie. How could she have loved him after the way he treated her. The way he tried to control and manipulate her because, deep down, he was afraid of being alone.

When did he become the type of man whose jealous streak dominated his logical mind? The type of man whose hand never stop trembling for one reason or another. The type of man whose girl couldn't even talk to him.

Logan thought about what Marie's life might have been like if he hadn't been there to fuck it up. She would have gone on her first date with the ice-prick, maybe the would have been going steady by now. There would be prom and vacations with her friends. They would go on their first night out on the town together and learn their limits the hard way. She might have stayed with the popsicle or dated any of the other boys in her class. Pyro, Piotr, any of the others that would be lucky to have her.

If he stayed gone now she might have a chance at recovering and leading a normal life without him someday. She'd grow up, have babies in her own time, get married, follow her dreams.

They'd be a hundred other males waiting to take his place in her heart.

And the wolverine wasn't ready to let that happen.

…

It took him three hours to get back. When he reached her door he shoved it open so hard the frame cracked. She looked over her shoulder from where she lay, weak on the empty bed, tears staining her pale face, "Logan?"

"What did you think? That I would be able to up and leave just like that?" he prowled towards her. She could smell where he had been; blood, sweat and alcohol. His clothes were stained and dirty, t-shirt with the neck stretched out and hanging crumpled from his ragged frame. "Did you think he'd be able to leave you unclaimed and alone?"

Marie turned uncertainly to face him, and strange mix of confusion and pain behind her eyes. In the almost week he'd been gone, it was like she hadn't moved from the spot he'd left her in.

With a roar, he wrenched her unresisting body from the bed, flipping her over onto her still tender stomach. Her eyes opened wide as she realised what he was about to do but didn't have the strength or will to respond. She tried to turn to look at him but a callous hand on her neck prevented her. He wanted her to suffer as he did, wanted to treat her as bad as he felt.

She heard the familiar sound of his belt being unbuckled and a stifled sob, before he ripped the pyjama pants from her. She understood she wasn't dealing with Logan anymore.

Marie felt him nudge against her opening a few times before he almost fell into her, both crying out in pain. She felt something warm and wet on the back her neck, trickling down. He moved once inside her, her insides responding with protest, then again, some part of her silently rejoicing that at least he still wanted her in this way.

"You think I can't do it again?" the wolverine growled into her ear, "You think…" through it all she felt her walls begin to tighten around him as he increased his pace, felt her mutation begin to falter as it did sometimes in the heat of the moment. She wanted it to, she wanted to feel how much he hated her so she could justify his reaction. To make it logical and maybe just so she could understand.

A jumble of thoughts fell through and she realised Logan was trying to beat the monster back into submission. He fell back onto the floor with a cry of anguish, the tip of his penis smearing his thigh with blood.

"..why? how.. why don't you..?" he couldn't get the words out, his voice small and hoarse, pleading. But she understood what he was trying to say.

A sharp pain stabbed in her chest, matching the one in her stomach.

Marie slid to the floor beside him, pulling him into her arms like he'd done to her so many times, overlooking the syrupy mess on both of their bodies, on her thighs and between her legs.

"I was scared, Logan. I still am scared."

"You never told me. Why didn't you tell me?" he begged. It hurt her to acknowledge how damaged they were, that they didn't talk things through for fear of argument.

"You don't want my baby because you know what I am. I don't deserve to have a family." Logan bent his head into the crook of her neck and she felt the hot tears against her skin.

"That's not true." She pulled back to study at him.

"Look at me Marie, look at what I am! Look at what I've done" and for once, she could see it. The barely contained animal within, his chest billowed up and down as he fought to keep control.

But she didn't care, "And I love you. Still. All of you; even after all this."

"I'm a monster." His voice cracked. How could he have allowed this to happen? Why couldn't he have it under control even for the woman he loved? He could have prevented all this, could have stopped hurting her. But now it was too late. He'd done the very thing he'd restrained himself from.

He could never forgive himself.

"No, you're not. You are a passionate, hard-headed and goddamn aggravating at times. But I know deep down you really do care." She pulled him down so she could look into his hazel eyes.

"We can still be together, for as long as you want me. But just me. I have to be enough for you."

"You're all I ever wanted." Logan leaned back on his hands, shakily took in breath and exhaled. "You know, if you had told me, I could have understood. I never wanted you to do this alone."

Marie had images of an alternate Logan, one without pride or shame. A man who'd take the consequences for his actions. A man who didn't act on impulse. But that wasn't right. She didn't want to change him.

"I didn't think you would have been open to that."

"You are the only thing I care about darlin'. If we'd sat down and talked this through, things could have been different."

"I know that now."

There would always be that 'what if' lingering over them both. What would have happened if things had continued on that course? Marie knew for certain it wouldn't have been a good outcome.

Time would be able to heal the raw pain they felt but it wouldn't allow them to forget what might have been. They could go on though. They could get through it together.

Marie kissed the back of his hand tenderly. Forgiving. Pulled him willingly onto her chest for sleep they both so desperately needed, his heavy heartbeat lulling them into senselessness.

…

Hours later, Logan woke. It was still dark. He silently gathered Marie in his arms and carried her down the hall back to his bed, where she belonged. He placed her between the sheets and shut the door before climbing in behind her and winding his body around hers. He kissed the back of her head and she stirred, making a muted noise he could quite distinguish.

He lay awake pressing her naked body to his until the first rays of dawn peaked from behind the curtains. Logan breathed in her scent, slow deep breaths, taking in enough to last him. The wolverine wanted her, needed her so fucking badly.

But he'd done enough damage for one life time.

Logan saw now he should have waited for her. He looked down at the girl in his arms and saw the young innocent thing she was before he came and ruined her. The way she looked in the morning light was the way he'd always see her, content and peaceful.

He'd decided he would do anything to protect her, even from himself. He never wanted to hurt her and he'd never put himself in that position again.

He had resigned himself to a new way of living.

Mindfully.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 – the Love we Deserve

Logan stood in the professors office, the earliest he could ever remember rising. He didn't like to sit, he felt too much at the other man's mercy.

"So Logan, what can I do for you?" Charles' voice was cold.

There was a minute of silence before the professor shot him a questioning glance. He wasn't going into that man's mind uninvited again!

"Don't make me spell it out Chuck."

"Now you taken all you've wanted from Rogue I suppose you're going to find another place to prey on young women?"

"It was never like that." He walked up to the professor and knelt down in front of him. "See for yourself."

The Professor studied his face for a second; Logan looked somehow older than he remembered him being, before touching his fingers to the younger mans temples.

Dark-green shadows. Black shapes moving, hazy in the distance. Cold and loneliness and pain. More pain than any one person should have to endure.

Then Marie, light, laughter. A warm glowing aura that radiated from somewhere deep inside him. The feeling of completeness as he watched her sleep within his arms, as he allowed her to be absorbed into all his senses, for her to become a part of him.

Uncontrollably, stabbing jealously as another male tried to establish their dominance for his mate. Irrational thoughts and shame.

The baby. The abortion. The realisation that he will never be good enough for Marie.

The professor let go quickly, tears welling in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"You didn't think I understood. I know she's young and I know I could have handled the situation better. But now you need to understand. I don't age. I'll be here long after all the people you know are dead. I found someone who could make all that bearable, if only for a little while." Logan turned away, not wanting the professor to see how much pain he was in. His voice betrayed him with the next few words.

"I have to let her go. Believe me, it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do." When he turned back around his eyes were bloodshot and raw.

"Logan, I'm so so sorry."

Logan just nodded before leaving and shutting the office door quietly.

…

The soft glow of morning light woke Marie as it filtered in through the curtains. She shivered, instantly feeling the lack of warmth that for so long now had been a constant while she slept. She reached an arm back to feel for him. His side of the bed was cold.

Marie rolled over and exhaled in one long puff of breath. It finally felt like the hole in her chest was healing. Maybe they would be able to get past this after all.

Her hand brushed against something crisp on the pillow next to her. A piece of paper folded not too evenly down the middle. She picked it up and sat up quickly to read it.

"You know me. I'm not one for words of displays of affection. I have a hard time telling you things and I don't know why, but I think I owe this one to ya."

She could almost hear the words coming off the page, traced a finger over the first few shaky letters.

"In a few years, you will have forgotten about me. You're young, beautiful. You deserve the kinda life I can't give to ya. Big house, lots of babies. A man who can stay in the same place for more than a few months at a time.

And I'm sorry, for everything. I'm sorry I acted like a bastard. I'm sorry I couldn't help myself around you, that I had so much uncontrollable need. I hope one day you can forgive me."

The words nearer the bottom were almost unintelligible, scraggily and smudged with water marks.

"Just know I loved you with all my goddamn soul, I loved you the best way I knew how and I know now that isn't good enough for you. You've taught me the world is not as empty and cold as I once thought, the sun rises and sets everyday even when I'm not around to see it. You allowed me to feel something I never thought I would have.

You have my heart, Always."

…

Logan wheeled his bike out of the garage with only his trusty jacket and the old duffle he always traveled with. He thought about taking something of Marie's with him but that would only make it all the more difficult not to come back for her. He would have to be content with his memories for company.

He wheeled the bike down the drive so as not to disturb the peace of the morning. It was going to be a beautiful early fall day.

He didn't know where he was going. The closest he had ever felt to being at home was with Marie. If he listened hard enough, he could have sworn he could even hear her voice on the breeze as it rustled through the leaves strewn across the ground.

He turned back for one last look at the place.

"Logan!"

Marie was running to him, barefoot on gravel, her bath robe flying open. She stopped a feet in front of him, her breath coming out in fiery pants.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Remember that promise you made me?" She took a step closer to him, her eyes never leaving his. He hoped he would never forget how expressive her eyes were, how deep and molten and the way she had at looking not just at him but into his very soul.

"The only way I can keep that promise is if I leave." The words hurt him more than any physical pain ever had.

"I remember the one I made you as well, and I don't intend on breaking it."

She pulled him down into a fierce kiss, allowing him to flood into her. Allowing the barriers she normally held so tightly to drop. All of her focus was on the memories she held of Logan. Instead of draining him, the flow of energy seemed to run in both directions.

The first time they met, him standing with his back to her in the cage, all sinewy muscle and his wild hair.

Watching the red tail lights of his truck get smaller until he stopped, giving her all the motivation she needed to hurry in the warmth of the cabin. He was never afraid of her, even then when she told him what her skin could do to people. Even when he witnessed it first hand, the night she went to his room.

Sitting on the train, so certain she needed to get away until he spoke those few little words "I'll take care of you."

She held on until the cuts in her bare feet healed and her skin was thrumming with his mutation. It almost put a new meaning on what meant to be alive.

"You forgot I made you a promise too. I'll never leave you Logan. Let me come with you."

"I can't ask you to leave behind the place you call home."

"You still don't get it. It's only home when you're here with me. Home is wherever you are."

"What about school? What about our future?"

"We can figure that out later."

"Marie, you need to remember that you can spend the rest of you life with me, but I can't spend the rest of my life with you." He didn't understand why he was trying to talk her out of it.

"Isn't that better than not having me at all? Than wondering what we could have had?" A big bubble of shame welled up in his chest, the ways he tried to manipulate her, to make him her only choice.

"I've hurt you.."

"And I've hurt you as well. And I'm sorry but I guess you are too?"

He nodded.

"Let me come with you, Logan."

His breathing faltered for a second. His nostrils flared like he was scenting the air, but she knew he was trying to get enough to breathe, trying to suppress strong emotions. He pulled her to him, burying himself in her hair. His lips so close to her ear, all she could hear was his sharp inhale and hot, jagged exhale. She closed her eyes.

He could only manage one choked, broken word. A whisper.

"Okay."

…

That's all folks! Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed, please leave me a review. And maybe a follow :)

I think that's going to be it for this little series. I was tempted to drag it on but seriously, how much more pain can one person endure. (Me, I mean me..) So it's off to drown myself in lemon-meringue fluff until I come to realise daylight is a thing again. Taking a shower wouldn't hurt either…

Totally feeling a kinda Romy/ Rogan story in the works, so watch this space.


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